Doing the same old thing is what got you here in the first place with your marriage. Its time to add something fresh and exciting to your knowledge bank and find some tactics that actually work to get things back to the spicy, fun way that things used to be. Forget the tired old tactics that you think should work, but which in fact simply end up alienating your partner and driving them even further away. You need to supercharge your efforts with tactics which help to save the marriage in the real world, and not just in theory.
It is easy to get on the slippery slope to breakup in a marriage. You are no longer seeing your partner in the same passionate light that you once did. Instead, they are a grumbling partner. And pretty soon you start losing attraction for them, but wonder how the hell that happened when you used to love them so much. Answer me this. Is it any wonder if you only talk to them about politics or your problems with your boss? Problem vibes do not make sparky marriages and the sooner you realise that, the sooner you can work on getting things working properly.
You can turn things around in your marriage but you need to realise that you will have to change some things if they are going to happen. You cannot have everything remain exactly the same, and yet magically expect to have your loving wife or husband back. It doesn’t work that way I’m afraid. Saving your marriage will need you to take some steps of your own to resurrect the relationship, and resurrect is a carefully chosen phrase here, because for some marriages it can be Lazarus like when it starts to emerge from the ashes of depression and arguments and again becomes a source of joy for both parties. A great place to start is for each of you to sit down and write out a list of what you found particularly attractive about the other person when you first met.
Ask your partner to put your differences aside just for the moment, and seek to get some common ground. Tell your partner that you sincerely want to make things work, and that just for a little while you want them to reserve judgement on whether this is a pack of nonsense, or something really helpful. Ask them to simply go along with it. In truth if you can get them to participate then it bodes extremely well for your efforts to get them to start appreciate the marriage again, because even though they may still have many issues with you, at least you are both on the same pathway. And you can then take it further with a book like Bob Grants “What Husbands Can’t Resist“, which is a great book for couples seeking to better understand their relationship.
Marriage counsellors will usually be very adept at helping couples struggling through these times. Whether it is a Christian marriage or any other, there are places and people you can go to that will help you and the one you love get through this. Marriage can change people, so sitting down and taking a good hard look at yourself, and seeing where you have changed can be a good first step. Finding your old self can be a difficult task, especially after you consider all the things you have been through over the time when the marriage was not going well. If you do the exercise I suggested as a first action then you will be able to notice the glimmer of sunshine that focusing on good times brings. It is only the first step on what may be a longer journey. But at least it marks a new start to an effort to improve your marriage.
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